What a fucking waste of an outfit
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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