Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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