i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
