I think my vagina is haunted
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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