gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
