farters have to be the big spoon...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
