Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
