there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
