things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
