dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
