You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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