Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
