my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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