So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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