sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
