he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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