Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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