you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize