Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
