I feel great
I just peed on a car
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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