fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
