What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
