You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize