Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
