i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just had sex bonerless
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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