Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
