from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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