You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
