If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
no, he came in my armpit
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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