How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
