Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
