Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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