we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
whose parrot is this?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
