we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
