Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
