I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
