she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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