So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
