Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize