So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize