If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You ruined the universe
Randomize
