My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
