The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
