i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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