Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
