alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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