Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
