ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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