get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i think i just lost a toe
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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