I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
