God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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