My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My bed smells like the plague
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