So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
