chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
