I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
