New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
