we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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