Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize