my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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