I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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