I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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