the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There r osticjed everywhere
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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