it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
